


let's keep it casual

by downn_in_flames



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Texting, but this one especially, i also managed to reference 5 of 7 taylor swift albums in here, i mean most of my fics aren't snape friendly, i somehow wrote a chatfic that only takes place in direct messages??, i was like a full bottle of wine deep when i was writing it so do with that knowledge what you will, this fic is not snape friendly, this is also VERY crackficcy, try to find them all!, which wasn't even an intentional choice lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:46:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23984782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/downn_in_flames/pseuds/downn_in_flames
Summary: lily evans: i’m going to kill him i’m going to kill him i’m going to kill himlily evans: I’M GOING TO KILL HIMlily evans: give me ONE good reason not to commit murder right nowjames potter: you can’t fuck me if you’re in prison?
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 61
Kudos: 556





	let's keep it casual

**Author's Note:**

> this was written for a trope stew challenge on hpfanfictalk - my assigned tropes were 1) roaring rampage of revenge, 2) snowball lie, 3) friends with benefits, 4) it's personal, and 5) mistaken for betrayal. somehow, i think i managed to squish them all in here :P

_[Tuesday 10 May, 15:04]_

**james potter:** u up?

 **lily evans:** it’s 3pm

 **james potter:** good observation

 **lily evans:** you need to get more creative with your ‘hi i’m bored can you come over and fuck me’ lines

 **james potter:** did it work though?

 **lily evans:** be there in 15

* * *

_[Tuesday 10 May, 16:42]_

**sirius black:** ran into lily in the lobby a few minutes ago  
**sirius black:** tell me, when are you going to finally own up to the fact that you fancy the shit out of her and aren’t just casually fucking her with no feelings involved

 **james potter:** hmm, but see, that would require that statement to actually be true  
**james potter:** seriously, it’s just hooking up  
**james potter:** we’ve got a good thing going, i’m not going to ruin that by catching feelings

 **sirius black:** ~catching~ feelings?  
**sirius black:** dude  
**sirius black:** feelings have long since been caught  
**sirius black:** by both of you

 **james potter:** ur wrong but i’m not arguing that point with u anymore

 **sirius black:** because your counterarguments are shit and you know it

* * *

_[Wednesday 11 May, 20:53]_

**lily evans:** i’m going to kill him i’m going to kill him i’m going to kill him  
**lily evans:** I’M GOING TO KILL HIM  
**lily evans:** give me ONE good reason not to commit murder right now

 **james potter:** you can’t fuck me if you’re in prison?

 **lily evans:** damn you have a point there

 **james potter:** also why are you contemplating murder, that seems extreme

 **lily evans:** two words for you: severus fucking snape

 **james potter:** that’s three words

 **lily evans:** do you want me to kill you too, bud??

 **james potter:** you can’t fuck me if i’m dead  
**james potter:** but seriously, what did that greasebag do

 **lily evans:** remember when i beat him to checking out the last copy of that chemistry research journal from the library?

 **james potter:** i believe you described it as ‘the most victorious day of the semester to date’

 **lily evans:** and i stand by that  
**lily evans:** but ANYWAYS  
**lily evans:** the creepy fucker SNUCK INTO MY ROOM and STOLE IT  
**lily evans:** and had the nerve to leave me a fucking LOVE NOTE in its place

 **james potter:** he left you a love note??  
**james potter:** what does it say?

 **lily evans:** that is not the part of this story you should be fixating on  
**lily evans:** he wheedled his way through the front desk security and came into my room and WENT THROUGH MY STUFF  
**lily evans:** not to mention, the damn journal is still checked out in my name  
**lily evans:** so if he doesn’t return it on time, I’M going to have to pay for it  
**lily evans:** those things are expensive as FUCK

 **james potter:** what a fucking twat

 **lily evans:** i just  
**lily evans:** i can’t with him  
**lily evans:** the creepiness and borderline obsession with me is one thing  
**lily evans:** the fact that he acts like i owe it to him to be in love with him is another  
**lily evans:** but straight-up violating my privacy AND sabotaging my perfect reputation with the university library??  
**lily evans:** i’m taking him down

 **james potter:** hell yeah, you show that fucker once and for all

 **lily evans:** wanna be my accomplice

 **james potter:** that’s perhaps the sexiest thing you’ve ever said  
**james potter:** ofc i will be

 **lily evans:** will text u when i come up with the appropriate revenge scheme

* * *

_[Thursday 12 May, 13:02]_

**lily evans:** meet me at the library in an hour

 **james potter:** is this part of aforementioned revenge scheme?

 **lily evans:** obviously

 **james potter:** i shall be there

* * *

_[Thursday 12 May, 15:23]_

**james potter:** okay what the fuck was that

 **lily evans:** in my defense it was not supposed to go that far

 **james potter:** mind telling me what you DID have in mind when telling the librarian that we’re engaged??  
**james potter:** because i’ve been wracking my brain and i’ve got nothing

 **lily evans:** she was supposed to give me edit access to my account to fix my last name  
**lily evans:** which she did  
**lily evans:** and thanks to my BRILLIANT computer skills from there, the journal is checked out in snape’s name instead of mine  
**lily evans:** but clearly i underestimated how close i am with the uni library staff

 **james potter:** no shit

 **lily evans:** anyways, what do you want on our wedding registry

 **james potter:** what

 **lily evans:** i’ve got to give her a wedding website link!! she asked for it, i can’t very well show up at the library next week and not have a wedding website for her  
**lily evans:** i also ordered a £5 ring on etsy  
**lily evans:** it’s huge and tacky and exactly the sort of thing a trust fund baby like u would propose with

 **james potter:** jfc  
**james potter:** put one of those mini waffle makers on there  
**james potter:** also i’m offended that you think so poorly of my ring-picking skills

* * *

_[Friday 13 May, 9:10]_

**lily evans:** hi, i have a weird request

 **remus lupin:** that’s always a concerning sentence

 **lily evans:** can you take fake engagement photos for me and james??  
**lily evans:** will pay you in bourbon and chocolate

 **remus lupin:** ……. literally what the fuck, lily  
**remus lupin:** why on earth do you need fake engagement photos

 **lily evans:** i need them for our fake wedding website

 **remus lupin:** somehow, that still doesn’t make this make any more sense

 **lily evans:** it’s a long story  
**lily evans:** can you though?

 **remus lupin:** *sigh* yes

 **lily evans:** bless u

* * *

_[Monday 16 May, 8:57]_

**lily evans:** thoughts??  
**lily evans:** Attachment - 12 Images

 **james potter:** wow  
**james potter:** those look… really good

 **lily evans:** we actually look like an engaged couple  
**lily evans:** like….. go us  
**lily evans:** alright, time to upload these bad boys onto the website

* * *

_[Monday 16 May, 9:12]_

**james potter:** sirius  
**james potter:** oh dear brother of mine  
**james potter:** who is nothing but kind and supportive and never gives me shit for anything  
**james potter:** how are you this fine evening?

 **sirius black:** spit it out

 **james potter:** as you know, i have been pulled into the most hare-brained of schemes with none other than lily evans  
**james potter:** and it spiralled into remus taking a bunch of fake engagement photos for us this weekend

 **sirius black:** i am well aware  
**sirius black:** you stole my boyfriend from me on what would have otherwise been a chill saturday morning and used him to take pictures in a fucking flower field

 **james potter:** that is correct  
**james potter:** anyways  
**james potter:** it has come to my attention that we make a Very Cute Couple

 **sirius black:** are u saying what i think ur saying

 **james potter:** and now i feel weird because i kind of... wish they weren’t fake??

 **sirius black:** u ARE saying it  
**sirius black:** oh my GOD  
**sirius black:** took you long enough

 **james potter:** hey now, you agreed not to give me shit

 **sirius black:** if you scroll up, you’ll see i never agreed to anything

 **james potter:** i can’t believe you’re being so rude to me in my time of dire emotional distress

* * *

_[Monday 16 May, 15:32]_

**remus lupin:** heard you finally got your head out of your ass and admitted you like evans as more than a friend slash hookup

 **james potter:** i’m going to kill sirius, he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone

 **remus lupin:** he’d like you to know that he never agreed to that either  
**remus lupin:** but seriously, it was about time

 **james potter:** :( stop making me feel like an idiot for having feelings

 **remus lupin:** you’re not an idiot for having feelings  
**remus lupin:** you ARE an idiot for taking so long to realise you’ve had them

 **james potter:** this is a new development  
**james potter:** i only had friendly feelings for her until yesterday

 **remus lupin:** …… james  
**remus lupin:** you once woke up in the middle of the night to drive to that 24-hour ice cream shop on the other side of town at 3 a.m. so you could take lily her favourite milkshake while she was studying  
**remus lupin:** that is NOT something you do for someone you only have friendly feelings for

 **james potter:** it isn’t???

 **remus lupin:** would you do that for me or peter?

 **james potter:** no

 **remus lupin:** hence, not friendly feelings

 **james potter:** … oh

 **remus lupin:** you are useless  
**remus lupin:** absolutely useless  
**remus lupin:** truly do not know what lily sees in you

 **james potter:** well that’s mean

* * *

_[Monday 16 May, 16:53]_

**lily evans:** is it sad that i keep forgetting this wedding website is fake??  
**lily evans:** like, i am putting Way Too Much Effort into this given that it is an elaborate ruse to appease some librarians and i keep catching myself fantasising about a real wedding  
**lily evans:** literally what is wrong with me

 **remus lupin:** jfc  
**remus lupin:** you two really ARE meant for each other

* * *

_[Monday 16 May, 23:49]_

**james potter:** wait what do you mean ‘what lily sees in me’??  
**james potter:** remus?????

* * *

_[Tuesday 17 May, 10:03]_

**lily evans:** stage 2 of burn snape’s life to the ground begins tomorrow  
**lily evans:** are you ready?

 **james potter:** should i be prepared for a fake marriage this time?

 **lily evans:** haha no, i promise i won’t spring any fake relationship statuses on you this time  
**lily evans:** but now that you mention it…  
**lily evans:** check out this work of art  
**lily evans:** theknot . com / deerlybeloved

 **james potter:** fucking hell, evans  
**james potter:** you went all out

 **lily evans:** umm yeah lol  
**lily evans:** turns out designing a wedding website is a really fun way to procrastinate

* * *

_[Tuesday 17 May, 10:16]_

**james potter:** she used a deer pun in the fake wedding page name i actually can’t breathe

 **sirius black:** the transition from complete denial to pathetic sod happened even faster than i expected

 **james potter:** you are ruthless

 **sirius black:** remember when i was the pathetic sod about remus and you gave me SO much shit about it??  
**sirius black:** this is payback, bitchhhhhhh

 **james potter:** you’re right, i deserve this

* * *

_[Wednesday 18 May, 19:34]_

**james potter:** truly, evans, i don’t understand why you’re studying chem when you’re this good at hacking into things  
**james potter:** in other news, i’m having the absolute fucking time of my LIFE on snape’s reddit account rn  
**james potter:** i just wrote a long essay about how i’ve learned the errors of my bigoted ways and am embracing the blm movement and intersectional feminism and i’ve never seen something get so violently downvoted so fast

 **lily evans:** see, this is why i knew you were the right accomplice for this  
**lily evans:** keep destroying his internet reputation and trolling his weird alt-right community with all your research and logic  
**lily evans:** you’re doing amazing sweetie

 **james potter:** studying human rights law does occasionally have its perks  
**james potter:** this, plus ya know the whole ‘making the world a better place’ thing

 **lily evans:** i was about to say  
**lily evans:** i should hope the only perk isn’t trolling the internet

 **james potter:** ahahahahah yessss one of the admins is threatening to kick me out  
**james potter:** also he keeps using mudblood as an insult and i’m like ???  
**james potter:** what does that even mean??

 **lily evans:** somehow i feel like you don’t want to know

 **james potter:** update i found out, and yes you were right, i didn’t want to know

 **lily evans:** in that case, not gonna ask

* * *

_[Thursday 19 May, 17:35]_

**severus snape:** Potter.

 **james potter:** fuck i really thought i’d blocked your number

 **severus snape:** You’ve pulled childish pranks in the past, but getting me banned from the Death Eaters Messageboard is a new low.

 **james potter:** i’m sorry what  
**james potter:** i don’t know what you’re talking about

 **severus snape:** Cut the bullshit.  
**severus snape:** In the process of reinstating my account - with none of my reputation points, might I add, thanks for that - I’ve acquired photo evidence of the posts that resulted in my expulsion.  
**severus snape:** I know no one else who would both make a play on words about deer and quote a Taylor Swift song in the same sentence. It was obviously you, you childish buffoon.

 **james potter:** haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

 **severus snape:** I’m not joking around here.

 **james potter:** baby i’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

 **severus snape:** You’re going to regret this, mark my words.

 **james potter:** i shake it off, i shake it off

_james potter has blocked severus snape_

* * *

_[Thursday 19 May, 19:03]_

**lily evans:** come over i’m bored

 **james potter:** is this a ‘come over so we can have sex’ type of come over or a ‘come over so we can watch the good place for the hundredth time’ type of come over

 **lily evans:** why does it have to be one or the other?

 **james potter:** touché  
**james potter:** omw

* * *

_[Thursday 19 May, 22:38]_

**james potter:** RED ALERT I HAVE FUCKED UP  
**james potter:** you’re 1000% gonna roast me for this and i don’t fucking care because if i don’t tell someone i’m actually going to explode

 **sirius black:** what happened with lily this time

 **james potter:** bold of you to assume this has to do with lily

 **sirius black:** does it have to do with lily?

 **james potter:** ….. yes

 **sirius black:** my bold assumption proven correct

 **james potter:** anyways, we were shagging, as we do  
**james potter:** and it was the ~heat of the moment~, you know??

 **sirius black:** i am not qualified to give you sex advice, if that’s where this is going

 **james potter:** and i might’ve accidentally told her i loved her

 **sirius black:** oh fuck that’s not where this was going

 **james potter:** and now i don’t know what to doooooo

 **sirius black:** well, what did you do after you said it?

 **james potter:** honestly i blacked out  
**james potter:** i think i backtracked by telling her i meant that i love fucking her and then just like….. left as soon as we were done

 **sirius black:** jesus fucking CHRIST

* * *

_[Thursday 19 May, 22:54]_

**remus lupin:** sirius is banging his head on the table repeatedly and given that he was texting you a few minutes ago i can only assume you said something on a whole new level of stupid

* * *

_[Thursday 19 May, 23:01]_

**james potter:** sirius???  
**james potter:** help???

 **sirius black:** i have never gone out on a date with a woman and even i can tell you that that is absolutely NOT what you do when you tell a girl you love them for the first time  
**sirius black:** you absolute knob

 **james potter:** so what do i doooooo

 **sirius black:** tell her the truth maybe?  
**sirius black:** the cat’s out of the bag now anyways and it’s not like you can make things any worse than you already have

 **james potter:** but we agreed no one was going to catch feelings when we started sleeping together!!  
**james potter:** we pinky swore  
**james potter:** i can’t break a pinky swear

 **sirius black:** ffs the fact that you two pinky swore on a sex agreement is something i’ll need to give you shit for at a totally separate time but that’s not the most pressing issue at the moment  
**sirius black:** my point stands, breaking a pinky swear is still an improvement on the current situation  
**sirius black:** just tell her the truth so you two can become that nauseatingly adorable couple and overtake me and remus as the most vomit-inducing pair in college

 **james potter:** ughhhhh  
**james potter:** curse my blood-deprived brain for getting me into this mess

* * *

_[Saturday 21 May, 9:37]_

**lily evans:** phase 4 of fucking up snape’s life starts today - you ready?

 **james potter:** uhhh yeah  
**james potter:** listen, are you okay?

 **lily evans:** yes? why wouldn’t i be?

 **james potter:** idk  
**james potter:** but good, that’s good

 **lily evans:** yep, it’s good

 **james potter:** how many phases are there to this snape plan anyways?  
**james potter:** will i get to know any of the phases in advance?

 **lily evans:** 4 phases  
**lily evans:** phase 1 was putting the world back in its rightful order, phases 2-4 are all about destroying the things he holds most dear  
**lily evans:** see: his top 5 placement on that alt-right message board (phase 2), and his good reputation with all the chem professors (phase 3)  
**lily evans:** (i handled phase 3 on my own, btw)

 **james potter:** fair enough, don’t know how i would’ve helped with chem professors anyways  
**james potter:** pretty sure one of them (slughorn i think?) hates me from that one time sirius and i let chickens loose in the science building

 **lily evans:** oh god yeah he definitely probably does  
**lily evans:** anyways, phase 4 is sneaking into his room like he did to mine, and you’re gonna leave the note  
**lily evans:** he’ll be properly pissed off if he knows you got in, but he’d probably just wank to a note i left

 **james potter:** thanks for the most cursed mental image of my life  
**james potter:** but you’re prob right tbh

 **lily evans:** anyways, i’m pretty good at picking the locks on the dormitory windows, so i’ll go in that way and unlock his room from the inside - all you’ll need to do is show up  
**lily evans:** tonight at 7

 **james potter:** roger that

* * *

_[Saturday 21 May, 13:46]_

**remus lupin:** have you talked to lily about the infamous mid-coital ‘i love you’ yet?

 **james potter:** jfc must sirius tell you everything  
**james potter:** and no, i’m getting there i swear

 **remus lupin:** get there faster

* * *

_[Saturday 21 May, 22:40]_

**sirius black:** is everything okay??  
**sirius black:** actually wait i know the answer to that  
**sirius black:** you came in soaking wet two hours ago and grabbed the bottle of whiskey from the kitchen and have been blasting all too well at top volume ever since  
**sirius black:** everything is definitely not okay

 **james potter:** fcuk lily evans  
**james potter:** and not in the fun way  
**james potter:** i’m never gonna fuck her in the fun way again

 **sirius black:** what happened?

 **james potter:** rememember how we were sabotaging snep’s life  
**james potter:** *sneep  
**james potter:** *snape  
**james potter:** turns out, she and sneep go way back  
**james potter:** motherfucker  
**james potter:** sneep is jsut his name now  
**james potter:** anyways, she set me up and betrayed me  
**james potter:** sneep knew i was gonna be there and put a booby trap on his door, and he and lily were inside LAUGHING at me

 **sirius black:** wait what the fuck  
**sirius black:** lily would never

 **james potter:** but she would apparently  
**james potter:** she even has pictures of them in primary school together  
**james potter:** i just  
**james potter:** fuck

 **sirius black:** that’s actually beyond fucked up

 **james potter:** originally this whole revenge on sneep thing was just me following along with lily’s rage  
**james potter:** but now it’s personal  
**james potter:** the lily revenge plan didn’t have a phase 5, but the james version does  
**james potter:** and i’m taking both of them dwon  
**james potter:** is it petty? yes  
**james potter:** will it actually fix th fact that evans betrayed me? no  
**james potter:** but will it make me feel better? yess  
**james potter:** and that, i think, is a valid reason  
**james potter:** will u hlep me??

 **sirius black:** i mean, i’m always down to fuck with sneep  
**sirius black:** but uhh, maybe sleep off the alcohol first  
**sirius black:** and stop playing all too well

 **james potter:** okye

 **sirius black:** that was not an invitation to start playing you’re not sorry

 **james potter:** taylor swift is th eonly person who gets my sadness right now i cant’ help it

* * *

_[Sunday 22 May, 9:21]_

**lily evans:** i called you like 5 times last night, why didn’t you pick up

 **james potter:** i wasn’t aware you’d want to talk to me  
**james potter:** too busy hanging out with your bff sneep

 **lily evans:** jfc you’re such a drama queen

 **james potter:** excuse me

 **lily evans:** also god no i’d never hang out with snape  
**lily evans:** sneep? lol

 **james potter:** it was a typo that i’m making into an Official Thing  
**james potter:** you two seemed awfully cozy yesterday  
**james potter:** you know, when you betrayed me and led me straight into a trap

 **lily evans:** ffs i didn’t betray you  
**lily evans:** if you would’ve picked up any of my calls last night, i would’ve been able to explain to you that this was all part of the plan

 **james potter:** wait what

 **lily evans:** i had to make you think i’d betrayed you because you can’t act for shit

 **james potter:** why did you need me to think that

 **lily evans:** for the real phase 4  
**lily evans:** i’m destroying everything snape holds dear  
**lily evans:** which, yes, includes both his weird messageboard reputation and his teacher’s pet status, but you know what’s at the very top of that list?  
**lily evans:** his perpetual wank that i’m going to realise he was the perfect man for him all along  
**lily evans:** hence, i have lulled him into a false sense of believing his fantasy has finally come true so i can crush it under my heel once and for all

 **james potter:** that is… downright diabolical

 **lily evans:** i take revenge crusades very seriously

 **james potter:** ok but how do i know you’re not double crossing me again?

 **lily evans:** bc for fuck’s sake in what world would i EVER want to be with someone who treats me like a fucking prize that he’s owed for being nice to me as a kid??  
**lily evans:** c’mon potter, you know me better than that

 **james potter:** it felt SO REAL yesterday though

 **lily evans:** that is because i, unlike you, am excellent at acting

 **james potter:** why do you keep implying i’m a bad actor??

 **lily evans:** because you are  
**lily evans:** exhibit a - you told me you loved me and then proceeded to full-on panic so hard that you gave the world’s worst cover up and ran away at the first possible moment

 **james potter:** oh god, you noticed that

 **lily evans:** of course i noticed that, because once again, you are the world’s worst actor

 **james potter:** yikes  
**james potter:** i’m sorry, i know i managed to break literally the only rule we had going into this arrangement

 **lily evans:** it’s actually kinda convenient, tbh  
**lily evans:** considering i broke it as well

 **james potter:** you what

 **lily evans:** as it happens, i have somewhat recently come to the realisation that my feelings for you are somewhat outside the bounds of what one would consider ~friendly~

 **james potter:** was it the wedding website  
**james potter:** is that what did it

 **lily evans:** embarrassingly enough…. yes

 **james potter:** SAME

 **lily evans:** wait seriously??

 **james potter:** so serious i’m not even gonna make a sirius pun  
**james potter:** i mean, did you SEE how good we look together??  
**james potter:** evans, we are a POWER COUPLE

 **lily evans:** hell yes we are

 **james potter:** a power couple who takes sneep down once and for all

 **lily evans:** hell yes we are x100  
**lily evans:** come over in a bit? gotta discuss the actual plan  
**lily evans:** i may have an idea that makes it even better

* * *

_[Sunday 22 May, 10:21]_

**james potter:** on second thought, plans have changed yet again

 **sirius black:** i take it this is a positive change  
**sirius black:** given that you have now taken to blasting call it what you want

 **james potter:** :)

* * *

_[Sunday 22 May, 13:05]_

_james potter has unblocked severus snape_

**james potter:** hey bro i just wanted to say i’m sorry for trying to sneak into your room

 **severus snape:** You’re not my bro. Don’t call me that.  
**severus snape:** We both know you’re only apologising because you wanted to get into Lily’s pants.

 **james potter:** not what this is about but go off i guess

 **severus snape:** You’re just jealous because for once, the nice guy did get the girl.  
**severus snape:** Apology not accepted, by the way.

* * *

_[Sunday 22 May, 13:13]_

**james potter:** Attachment - 1 Screenshot  
**james potter:** at what point do i get to tell him i’ve actually been in your pants

 **lily evans:** your time will come  
**lily evans:** but for now, stop texting sneep and put your phone down so that you can cuddle with your naked girlfriend who’s literally on the other side of the bed waiting for you

 **james potter:** don’t have to ask me twice

* * *

_[Sunday 22 May, 13:57]_

**lily evans:** hey sev? wanna meet me at the founder’s garden this afternoon?

 **severus snape:** Of course. Let’s do 4.

 **lily evans:** looking forward to it xx

* * *

_[Sunday 22 May, 18:59]_

**sirius black:** heard sneep had a temper tantrum so dramatic half of the college overheard it

 **james potter:** it was iconic

 **sirius black:** also heard you and evans are engaged now???

 **james potter:** ah, that part is just hearsay  
**james potter:** we decided to lean into the fact that we’ve already got a fake wedding website and just throw a fake proposal in there for good measure  
**james potter:** it’s still not an actual engagement  
**james potter:** but sneep doesn’t know that, and he never will

 **sirius black:** that is so fantastically stupid, but then again, i don’t know why i’d expect anything less from you two at this point

 **james potter:** i am going to buy her a less shitty ring though - not like an actual diamond one, but something in the middle ground, ya know?  
**james potter:** if she’s gonna wear it all the time it might as well be nice

* * *

_[Sunday 22 May, 23:41]_

**severus snape:** You are despicable.  
**severus snape:** You stole the girl who was clearly MINE. Lily loved ME first.

 **james potter:** first of all, lily doesn’t belong to anyone  
**james potter:** second of all, she picked me

 **severus snape:** And we all know you’re just going to drop her as soon as you get your dick wet.

 **james potter:** not that our sex life is any of your business, but i can assure you that i have already disproven that theory

 **severus snape:** That’s disgusting. I didn’t need to know that.

 **james potter:** i mean, you’re the one who keeps bringing things back to getting into lily’s pants  
**james potter:** just wanted to share that the experience is indeed a pleasant one, 10/10 would recommend, not that you’ll ever get to experience it for yourself

 **severus snape:** Fuck. You.

 **james potter:** you know what i think, sneep?

 **severus snape:** My name is Snape. Surely your pea brain can at least spell that properly.

 **james potter:** i think you need to calm down  
**james potter:** you’re being too loud

_james potter has blocked severus snape_

* * *

_[Monday 23 May, 12:54]_

**lily evans:** fyi the uni library staff sent us one of those mini waffle makers as an engagement gift

 **james potter:** oh my god  
**james potter:** best fake engagement ever

 **lily evans:** figured you’d enjoy that

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr!](http://downn-in-flames.tumblr.com/)


End file.
